By Katy
My family has always had a tumultuous relationship with money. I’m sure your families have had their share of ups and downs financially, but indulge me, if you will, and let me tell you what I have heard about mine.
My parents grew up in Taipei. It’s the capitol of Taiwan, and it’s a busy, metropolitan city on an island. It’s kind of like Honolulu in Hawaii but a lot more crowded. Most people live in apartment buildings. Very few people have houses. My dad was one of those few. He seemed to grow up with money and privileges that a lot of other Taipei residents did not have. My mother used to walk by his house and wonder about the people who lived inside, and from what I had been told, my father grew up with a nanny, housekeeper, and a chauffeur.
To understand where this money came from, I think I have to tell you a bit about my paternal grandfather. My dad’s father was a spy during World War Two for the allied nations. My grandmother told me he drove a jeep and lived life on the edge. Apparently she did too since she married him after just knowing him for two days.
Although my grandfather barely escaped capture from the Japanese on several occasions, he survived the war, only to succumb to lung cancer when he was in his 30’s. Now, my timeline is a bit sketchy right here. Some stories say he left China after my grandmother was pregnant to avoid capture, so I’m not quite sure when he died. But I do know that he left my grandmother quite an inheritance. So she traveled from China to Taiwan, pregnant with my father, carrying gold bars!
My grandmother did well with her inheritance. She turned those gold bars into real estate, and since Taiwan is a small island and land is precious, her investments grew, turning her into a mini real estate mogul, but I don’t know if my father truly benefited from her wealth.
My grandmother always worked. She had to. She was a single mother in an era and culture where working women were extremely rare. So although I’m sure my father had whatever he really wanted materially, he didn’t really have his mother’s attention. Instead, he had a nanny and a chauffeur to drive him everywhere. Later, when my grandmother re-married and had two more boys, I believe my father tried to take care of them in a way he wasn’t.
When I was younger, I saw my grandmother as a Scrooge. She once accused my brother and I of stealing the money she hid in her mattress. She bought me perfume for a birthday, and although it was the only time she had ever bought me anything in my life…she told other relatives that I was a greedy child. She would also accuse her three boys of waiting for her to die so they could inherit her money. She once told them that she wanted to be buried with her money so that no one would have it. For these impressions, I have always felt how important money was in her life. Money felt more important to her than people.
I think, culturally, Chinese people view money heavily. Money equals security, position, and power. Money is given instead of hugs and kisses, and I always felt like my father tried to control me with money. He may not feel that way, but I know that I felt that way growing up. I think that’s why I never want money to control me. I don’t want any money from him. I don’t want any money from my grandmother. I want to pay my own way through life, and for the most part, I have. I think gifts are lovely. If my parents or grandparents want to help pay for a wedding or college, it’s appreciated. But I don’t want to feel like I owe them for it.
My maternal grandparents are the opposite of my paternal grandmother. They were never rich, and my mother sometimes blames it on the fact that my grandfather was overly generous. He would allow friends and sometimes even strangers to borrow money and not return it. He gave away furniture and other household items when anyone would even comment that they like it. And my mother is the same way. They are not savers. They don’t clip coupons, and they tend to live above their means.
I think I’m somewhere in the middle of all of this. I hate worrying about money. I like to live my life freely, and I think money helps with that idea. I work hard. I save, and I don’t spend more than I have. I have paid off my debts. I have also given, financially, in a lot of my relationships, so I definitely relate to my maternal grandfather’s sense of “generosity.” Now, I’m just trying to find the balance because I don’t want to feel like anyone’s taking advantage of me, but I don’t want to shut down and be a Scrooge. After all, it’s the Christmas season, and I am not sure I want any ghosts of past, present, and future visiting me.
