–by Carla

Time To Say Goodbye. It’s a great song. I love how Bocelli does it, but that’s not where I’m headed with this. It’s been a long time since I’ve posted and I’m thinking I’m done. I’ve got nothing crafty to add these days. It’s just little old me, a stay at home mom with two tiny little boys who occupy my time from 7am until 7pm and then I’m on call from 7pm until 7am. Nothing new there. It’s been done a million times. I’ve now been a stay at home mom exactly as long as I was a working mom. But I was never really a “working mom” like one would think. We didn’t do day care. I worked from 4am-12pm and came home each day to my husband handing off the baby and heading to work. But you know that already.

I’m pretty sure there’s nothing to add. My story is the same now as millions of other women all over the world. The story of a mom.

I’ve decided I’m not one of those moms who can zap a million pics at every event my kids are at and in an instant, upload them to facebook, twitter and my blog all at once, then come home and blog about it all. It’s just not who I am. My brain is not wired to go in that many directions. I bow down to the moms out there who do these things, but I gotta tell ya, STOP because you’re making the rest of us look like slackers.

So I’m thinking RecessionMamas is going away. We’re not who we were in the beginning and that’s fine. We’re all pretty different women these days.

That’s where I am. If I were more computer savvy, I might have already clicked the “poof!” button and made it all go away, but I’m too tired to figure that out right now.

If you read our little stories along the way, thank you! But for some reason, I have the feeling that this little project is simply collecting dust out there far, far away in cyberspace. And if you know me, you know that I do not like things to linger.  And I hate dust.

—by Carla

We live on a small street (about 10 houses) in a small sub-development in a suburb of a suburb of a suburb of Dallas. And on our small street roughly half of us were laid off in the early stages of the recession. Just like the news stories told us, most of them were men, and then there was me. A bunch of new “stay at home dads” and me. Um…nice to meet ya?

Most of us had never met but since we had all this “free” time on our hands (time not spent at the office…because working at home, as we all know, consists of a brutal amount of work), we’d wander out into our front yards and catch a conversation every now and then. That’s how I became closer with our next door neighbors. He was laid off the same week I was. Since his 2 boys were about the same age as mine, we’d swap stories about how staying at home with our kids was boggling our minds a little and how money was tight.

When we started trimming the budget back, one of the first things to go, along with my beloved housekeeper…were our team of lawn guys. They’d quietly show up in the early morning hours of a Saturday or maybe a Sunday, do their thing and be gone in a flash. All we did was stick a check on the front door. But when that perk went out the window, it meant the husband would take over that task and buy the lawn equipment needed to do the job. And guess who was taking notes? Yup, our next door neighbor. Granted, he’s since found a job…not making as much as he did before, but they’re in pretty good shape. Even still, he recently asked the husband’s advice on how to work his new lawn equipment. That’s right…he fired his lawn guys (our old lawn guys) and bought the tools of the trade for himself. His words, something like, “Well if you guys are doing your own lawn, I think I should too.”

Now THAT’s the kind of “Keepin’ Up With The Joneses” that I’m talkin’ about.

–by Carla

Did you happen to catch the poll in Parade Magazine a few weeks ago that had to do with the recession? Most of it made pretty good sense, but a few things did stand out. It shocked me a bit to see that only 89% of those polled said they were proud to be Americans. 89% might sound like a high percentage for other things, like maybe the percentage of time you spend working versus goofing off  at work, but for something like American pride, I was shocked. Even with the economy in the state it’s in, you’d think more of us would be proud to live in this great country. I don’t get that 89% thing.

I did like what they found about quality time with others. The poll showed that because of the recession, lots of us are spending more time with one another. That really is the case for me. It’s a little different in my house since I’m husbandless 4 nights a week and my Mom is my husband on those nights, helping me get through dinner, bath time and bedtime with 1-year-old and 2-year-old boys. So yes, Mom and I have gotten quite close! We’ve always been close…in that Mom/Daughter way of being close where you may get on each other’s nerves from time to time and get a little frustrated with one another but you love each other at the end of the day and move on like nothing ever happened…but we are certainly closer now.

In the 11 months since my layoff, she has, among other things, taught me how to make homemade chicken soup. It’s a tad bit embarrassing to admit that at 29, ok 35, I had never so much as attempted to whip up a batch on my own. But I can do it now. And it’s actually tasty. She’s helped me get over my fear of raw poultry. Remember back in the early days of the “Reinvention of Carla” where I’d almost need a hazmat suit before I would so much as consider touching raw chicken?

It’s gotten easier. I don’t gag anymore. I just get in there and do what I need to do…slap it around a little…you know, show the chicken who’s boss. So yes, Mom and I have gotten closer and for that I cannot be more grateful.

The husband and I spend more time together now, too. In the past, we both worked these crazy opposing hours and never saw each other during the week and by the time the weekend rolled around, we would fill our time doing chores and catching our breath, but not really going out or having fun. We have gone on more dates since my layoff than at any other time in our marriage. Seriously.

Now that we’re coming up on Thanksgiving, (which next to Christmas is my 2nd favorite time of the year) I am so thankful for the way this has all worked out.

And for the record, the family has given me the green light to host and cook for Thanksgiving this year. And by “me” I really mean “me and the husband and anyone else who would like to help out otherwise we may be ordering a pizza that day“. WOO! I’m super excited and cannot wait!

By Katy

Sorry I haven’t been very consistent in writing.  I am writing to you from the road.  I’m traveling for a show I am working on, and I’m thinking about all of you.  I hope you’re well, Recession Mamas and fans of RM!

I would like to report some economic news, but I am way out of the loop on that one.  I haven’t picked up a newspaper or watched TV in a long while.  I can only talk about what I’ve been thinking about lately, and that is…working parents.

I have several co-workers who are working parents, and I wonder about whether they’ve struggled with this decision.  Some of them have very young children.  I am sure that most of you know moms who work these days, and you probably even know a few dads who stay at home with the kid.  But my feeling is…it’s definitely more prevalent in this economy.

Now, I used to have just one friend who is a stay-at-home dad.  He’s done it for years.  Way before it was chic.  His wife seems fine with it, and she’s actually happy to be the breadwinner in the family.  He sometimes takes an odd job or two, but most days, he’s home with their two children.  And recently, I’ve seen more and more of my friends who have made the choice to stay home and take care of the kids because they’ve recently lost their jobs.

So how does it feel to reverse the roles?  Do you fight more or less about money now that the woman makes more?  Do you have power struggles when before you were more or less equals?  Does it make the relationship easier or harder?  These are the things I would like to know… I am getting married, and I’m really wondering if my relationship will be OK with such a shift?

By Carla

It’s been six months now since Heather,  Katy and I started telling the world every last little detail (sort of) about our financial “realities” and how the recession was impacting our day to day lives and we figured it was the perfect time for a little makeover. After all, what girl doesn’t like to switch things up from time to time? Plus, we have seen more than 37,000 hits and we wanted to freshen this up for you. So, goodbye dancing green girl with your floppy midsection and hello to a fresh and (hopefully) easier to navigate website. And check out those super hot mamas on top. Huge thanks to Mei Chi for her amazing work on our new look and to my husband (who will not want to be thanked, but will be nonetheless) for his crazy computer skills. 

Be sure to make a note of our new website address, too. We are now Recessionmamas.com.

We thank you for reading and following us along our different journeys and we invite you to come back over and over again!

—by Carla

 

Get ready to break out the Cristal, we here at RM will proudly be celebrating our 6 month anniversary next week. Nevermind, forget the Cristal…it’s too damn expensive. Break out the store-brand equivalent or just hoist your Diet Coke can high into the air!

We’ve been sharing stories and helpful (hopefully) hints along the way, as we attempted to start a national conversation about money. Going back to our “roots”, (if something 6 months old can actually have roots), we said that we were “Three friends from three different economic realities helping each other get through this recession, mama!”

 

You might  wonder why in the world anyone would want to air this sort of dirty laundry…especially when it comes to money…but our thinking was, “why NOT?”.

Of course, our stories are in no way as shocking and horrifying as other tell-alls…not the least of which was the bombshell this week by Mackenzie Phillips, but I think our goals may actually be quite similar. She has said she came forward because she wanted to make sure that other victims like her would speak out and get help.

Very similar goal for me, personally. I felt passionately (and still do) that too many of us in this country care far too much about what other people think about our financial status and would rather live financial lies than own up to the fact that they cannot maintain the lifestyle they are living. I, for one, had no problem admitting that I/we spent money hand over fist, without ever thinking about how much was being put away for a rainy day or an emergency. Our situation was a bit different than the many horror stories we’ve heard over the past several months about people owing hundreds of thousands of dollars on various credit cards. We had (and still have) little credit card debt (but still enough for me to consider it a monkey on my back), instead paying most everything in cash. Earn it, spend it. Earn it, spend it. After all, I was making almost six figures and had a contract with my (now former) employer. I was recession-proof, right? Wrong. You CAN actually be laid off two weeks before Christmas, five weeks after giving birth, while still on maternity leave, and while you have another year left on your contract. Yup…they can do that. And they did.

Flash forward and here I am, thirty-something-years-old, learning to cook…and honey I mean LEARNING. “How long do I cook this chicken breast again? Why is there smoke in the kitchen again?”…and so on. But beyond everything else, I have learned (and continue to learn) an entirely different way of life, one that has refocused me. 

I love hearing stories from Katy and Heather because we all are at very different places, economically speaking, and we each represent a good chunk of America. Plus they crack me up! The three of us tell it like it is, even to each other.

So, a great big “Thank You” to everyone who has checked us out over the last six months. More than 36,000 page views and counting…whew! Keep coming back for more. Huge changes next week.

Happy (almost) SIX months, Recession Mamas!

By Heather

I was digging through some papers this week and found a poem that I wrote back in 1996. It’s on a torn piece of notebook paper. Just something I scribbled down one night following a frustrating day of looking for a job.  I’ve kept it tucked inside my green folder with some of my other “thoughts” and stories. I’m not sure why I still have it. I  just don’t throw that kinda stuff away. (not a pack rat, just sentimental)

The “thought” or poem really gives one a sense of my “broke girl” frame of mind. I was just moving along in slow motion, trying to keep a positive attitude. But it was hard. I was failing miserably at being a “success” and accomplishing simple tasks. Even brushing my teeth felt like a major chore.

I was just tired of searching for a job. Tired of having all of the wrong qualifications. Tired of being jerked around.

I’m pretty sure this was around the time I answered an ad for a “public relations” position. I was excited to get an interview. I went into the office and discovered over 50 other people in the room.

Great! A group interview. I hate these. But I’ve been through them before. Better shine!

No such luck. Turned out they wanted me to sell vitamins, water filters and other health crap that nobody wants.

Whoa! Pyramid scheme. I gotta get out of here.

I rushed to the door and was stopped by a very tall guy who refused to let me out. The conversation, to the best of my recollection, went down like this.

“You can’t leave in the middle of the presentation”

“I’m not doing a pyramid scheme. I thought this was a PR job.”

“No but it’s a great opportunity. Really you should sit back down. You’re really not allowed to leave.”

“Either you let me out of here or I’m calling the police and telling them that you are holding me hostage.”

He got out of my way and I went home and sobbed.

So why share this now? Especially when it was so long ago.  It just feels right. I GET IT! It’s not easy searching for a job or learning a new skill in a crap economy. Once you’ve been in this position, you can never forget.

I don’t have any great “Dear Abby” advice or pearls of wisdom here. All I know is that when you’re on the bottom there’s no place to go but up. That’s what always kept me going when the going got tough. You’ll be reminiscing about the “bad times” soon enough. Now I’m going to torture you with one of mine.

*****************************************

Shoestring remedies and dime store anecdotes

A handful of full of change and a hole in your pocket.

 

Telephone rings and you wish you hadn’t answered

One more letter and it won’t ring at all.

 

Looking at the want ads cuddled up in a blanket

Turned on the heat, but it only blows cold.

 

One more day and you’re back where you started

Two more days and your start is long gone.

 

Deep dark thoughts, scratch it down on some paper

A whole idea once was great now it’s gone.

 

Brush in time with your voice a humming

Head down lights out you’re dreaming perfect songs.

 

-H